I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.