I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.