So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.