The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I really hate straws.
They suck.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.