One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin