So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I really hate straws.
They suck.