I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.