I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...