V
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Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.