Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.