What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]