Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.