The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.