What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.