How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.