Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.