My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.