My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.