How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.