What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.