"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.