I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.