A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.