Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.