Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.