Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...