I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!