What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log