I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?