Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.