My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!