What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.