A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"