She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.