Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon