Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.