What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.