What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.