I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic