Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.