If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett