Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.