Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.