Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.