Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.