What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic