What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.