My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.