Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!