What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.