What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.