Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile