Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.