Jokes > Tags > Touch Jokes

Touch Jokes

Gnome Puns
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Art Puns
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
Chuck Norris Jokes
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Theater Puns
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Music Pick Up Lines
Do you play the guitar? Because you can touch strings of my heart
A Frog Outta Luck
There's a frog who has a unique kink: He falls in love with human girls. Of course, no human girl will touch him. Desperate, he goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."  The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"  "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
Sky Puns
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
Food Poems
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
Color Puns
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
Funny Health Quotes
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
Funny Parenting Quotes
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

- Jr. Williams.
Funny Money Quotes
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
Soccer Pick Up Lines
Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.
Food Pick Up Lines
If you shave your legs as well as that fennel, I can't wait to touch them.
Funny Animal Quotes
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”

- Jarod Kintz.