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Famous Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
Strawberry Puns
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Ancient Rome Puns
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Elf Puns
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Mermaid Puns
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Family Puns
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Knight Puns
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
The Priest and Satan's Deal
A priest was approached one night by Satan himself. "Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear." The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days." The next morning, the priest requested to meet the bishop. "Your Excellency, I need your advice for a temptation I have been given!" He told over his strange encounter. The bishop was shocked. "A deal with Satan?! Do not do it, it will destroy your soul!" But he could see the priest was not convinced. So the bishop arranged a meeting with the archbishop. "Your Excellency, this priest has an urgent matter he needs advice about!" He told over the story. The archbishop bowed his head in silent prayer, and after a few moments responded. "Firstly, your hearing is a gift from God. It would be forbidden to sacrifice any part of it. Secondly, a deal with Satan?!? Never do it!" But the priest wasn't convinced. He was imagining all the wealth, fame and power he'd receive. So the archbishop requested an audience with the Pope. The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. "Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!" "Sorry," said the Pope, "could you speak a little louder?"
Pea Puns
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
The Genius Painter
Many years ago, a wealthy woman, quite fond of collecting antiques and curiosities, found a vase during her travels. She liked the vase so much that she decided to paint her entire display room the same color as the vase. She put out an announcement saying that she will pay out a great deal of money to anyone who can come up with the matching color paint. Many painters came to examine the vase, but try as they might, they couldn't create a paint quite to the woman's satisfaction. One day, a painter comes along asking to examine the vase and promising that he could come up with a matching color. True to his word, after a minute looking at the vase, he is immediately able to deliver to the owner's satisfaction, and is awarded the job. This incident made him famous, which he used to launch a thriving business. Many years later, he decides to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son says to him, "Dad, I have just one question for you. How did you get the paint to match the vase so perfectly?" His father looks at him and says: "Can you keep a secret?" "Sure." The old man comes close to him, leans over and whispers: "I painted the vase."
Monster Puns
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!