Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.