Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14