Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.