Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.