Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"