Perfume

My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
How to Raise Your Grade
How to Raise Your Grade A student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?" The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve." The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?" The professor is surprised, but still he agrees, at which point the student then takes out his glass eye - and bites it. The shocked professor then takes the exam back, and marks it 85. The student then says "If I'll bite my nose, will you give me a 90?" The professor is once again shocked, "He can't pull out his nose" he thinks to himself. He finally agrees, at which point the student takes out his dentures, and bites his own nose. The professor then once again takes the exam, and marks the grade 90. The student then makes another offer: "If I'll get up on this table, and pee the perfume Coco Chanel on you, will you give me a 100?" The professor now has to see what this kid can do, so he agrees. The student goes on the table, and pees all over the professor, the professor's shirt is soaking wet, as he goes to to sniff it. "What the hell?! This isn't Coco Chanel! This is piss!" "Fine, we'll leave it at 90." said the grinning student.
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