Christmas tree

What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs.
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
The Mother, Father and Argument
The Mother, Father and Argument A family is having dinner at the table one evening, when the son asks the father, "Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?" The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering. "Well, my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round, and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions." The son is confused and asks, "Onions?" The father replies, "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." The wife and daughter are NOT amused by the father had said, so the daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch, flexible but reliable. But after 50, it's like a Christmas tree." The daughter laughs. "A Christmas tree??" The mother replies, "Yes, dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
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