Assault Jokes

My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
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