A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."