When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
They say Disney World is the happiest place on earth, obviously, they haven't been in your arms.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran my boat into yours. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Are you Australia? Cause your geographical location is hot.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
My love for you is like a Trojan Horse, it’ll sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
May you be granted no memory,
Of the people you wished took a hike,
May your luck hold out for decades,
Bringing you only the folks you like.
May your eyes never fail you,
When you need to tell the difference,
May your walker go from zero to 60,
So you could stay at a safe distance.
(Kevin Nishmas)
In space, no one can hear us scream.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I just tossed a penny into the fountain, want to make my wish come true?
Why did the spy cross the road?
Because he was never on your side.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
I can die happily now because I have just seen a piece of heaven.
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Dog heaven must be missing an angel.
I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amish!
Amish who?
You're not a shoe!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
I'll be home for Christmas—and I want you to come with me.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
Go to BabaMail
