Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
My dad thought Cuba would be boring. He's now Havana a really great time.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
I enjoy your company and the silence in between our yoga mats.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
I wasn’t sure if I should make the first move… but I was raised to never Jack down from an opportunity
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
When the harvest moon is full and bright,
And the wolf bane blooms on an autumn night,
If the guy whose kiss used to make you swoon
Starts to lick his lips and howl at the moon,
You'd best decline if he asks you out for a bite.
- Jim Slaughter
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
One Saturday morning at three
A cheese-monger’s shop in Paree
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
“I got chucked out of yoga class after misinterpreting Half-Moon Pose.” – Unknown
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
Anonymous
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Wow, I was just wishing for a soulmate Anna minute later, we matched. What are the chances?
"Family Likeness"
"You're just like them!" they say.
And me, I yell, "No way!
He's so moody,
She's so shrill,
His chin juts out,
Boy can she shout!
His nose is big,
And mine's quite small
There's no resemblance at all."
But then on days of harmony
I find that I agree.
Our family is made of different parts,
But we're all the same
In our hearts.
– Alison Jean Thomas
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
I need three things: The sun for the day, The moon for the night, and you for the whole life.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I could’ve sworn I had your number. I guess you’re going to have to put it on my phone again.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Starlight, Starbright, why don’t you come home with me tonight!
Can I get your number? Because I like you a latte.
Looks like I’ve finally found my one and Zoe
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
The only thing sweeter than pumpkin pie is you, baby!
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
Go to BabaMail
