I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I yam what I yam.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change it, and one not to change it.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so excessively thin.
That when she assayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
Hey baby, you caught my curiosity. Mind if I explore you a little?
I’m a handsome prince and my sword is no trick.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.
But I think she's JokiSDGF4s475241GHHHNM,GDSSSDFSDFSDFADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrTTTTTTEEEECbbbbbbbbII003333454587111,KSDFUJYTFD3u8ol;b ki90l.YJNMLGDSFSDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Seas the day!
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
How about you and I form a binary system?
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
I threw a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Go to BabaMail
