Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Icy what you did there!
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
My love
I have gotten to know you so very well
I’ve even noticed when you start to smell
You share almost everything with me
When we gossip, you say “spill the tea”
You have become my best friend
That is no lie
We can giggle together
We laugh till we cry
Even when you can be a little gross
You are the man I love the most.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
Can you put some hot sauce on my enchilada, I need some spice in my life.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
I’m just wondering. Now that you’re here, who’s running heaven now?
Do you want to be my doubles partner...for life?
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Excuse me, is your name Grace?
Because you're amazing!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!
"Having a good hare day."
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
If you were a baseball mit, would you catch my fly balls?
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
You're a good egg.
Roses are red, violets are blue. My heart began to beat when I first saw you.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Seeing that you're new here, let me show you where the water fountain is...the next drink's on me.
Go to BabaMail
