A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’
Her husband replies, ‘Why not?
I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
Excuse me, I think you dropped something - my jaw.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Do you play the guitar? Because you can touch strings of my heart
Is your name chocolate, because you make my seratonin levels rise and give me a sense of pleasure.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Will you integrate with me? I will differentiate whoever comes in our way.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
People call my obsession with the afterlife, suicidal. Truth be told,
I'm dying to find out if there is life after death.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
Go to BabaMail
