The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ireland!
Ireland who?
Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
— Unknown
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
I tried to change my password to "14days".
The computer said it was two week.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
A fellow jumped off a high wall,
And had a most terrible fall.
He went back to bed,
With a bump on his head,
That's why you don't jump off a wall.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
I’ve got my ion you, baby.
According to the multiverse theory, there’s at least one universe where we end up together. Do you want this universe to be one of them?
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
There's this subject called chemistry
how it works is a total mystery
it is an atom
says my madam
but all I see is my misery.
(By Faaizah)
Is this a catch and release fishing session? Because I don't want to let you go.
To get to the other tide.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
If there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I have been searching for!
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
You must have been born in an open cluster because you shine as if you were a young star.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
I know the difference between "less" and "fewer," but don't worry, you won't have to ask me for either of them.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Beach you to it.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Wine improves with Humans improve with wine.
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