If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Dublin over in laughter.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Marriage is like a game of poker.
At first you have two hearts and a diamond.
By the end all you want is a club and spade.
Summer went swimmingly this year.
The ham's on your pillow,
The egg's in your sheet,
The bran muffin's rollin'
Down under your feet,
There's milk in the mattress,
And juice on the spread -
Well, you said that you wanted
Your breakfast in bed.
(Shel Silverstein)
Just like I never play with poop, I promise you that I will never play with your heart.
I hear your thirsty? Well I've got a six pack right here!
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
What do you call a serial killer on acid?
Jack the tripper.
You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
French people give me the crepes.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? mistletoe.
“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
Marc Maron
They say that Disney World is "the happiest place on earth".
They've obviously never been in your arms.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
What is the ideal marriage? One between a deaf man and a blind woman
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Do you like science because I've got my ion you.
Go to BabaMail
