The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
Unknown
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair.
The dentist said "Open Wide" "I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
Don't get caught between a chalk and a hard place.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
"Aries people pick up steam while everyone else is running out of gas."
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
Are you a pharmacist? Because I am a patient and I heard you are patient lovers.
Want to become my new personal best?
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What do you get when you spell gibberish backwards?
Gibberish.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Just call me your baby, cause I wanna be inside you for the next 9 months.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
- Mark Twain
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Reading is a novel idea.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
Girl, you’re truly one in Amelia
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
What do you call a group of friends in California?
A startup.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
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