Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
I stretched out my hamstrings, but every time I see you, I feel a tug at my heartstrings
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
The best Sunday I can think of?
You, me, Netflix, and mimosas with no pants on.
Oh sorry, I meant bottomless mimosas.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
You know what they say? Words.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
"I heard some dictator wants to move the Earth further from the sun."
"Why??"
"Because it will take longer to make a full revolution."
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks.
Can't they hear the music?
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
You’re the only rein-dear for me.
Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.
It will be missed.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
I want to stick to you like cyanoacrylate.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why did the nose cross the road?
Because he was tired of getting picked on.
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