The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Hey, I just got my flight number. I'm just missing your phone number.
I don't need 3D glasses to see how beautiful you are!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Mmm baby! You’re decomposing in ALL the right places!
This is snow laughing matter!
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Do you know what they say about hockey players? They can always find the opening!
That’s a bit mulch.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
I'm gonna be on you like alligator on wildebeest.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
Go to BabaMail
