Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
There was an Old Person of Cheadle,
Who was put in the stocks by the beadle
For stealing some pigs,
Some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration, a guy sticks his location in a girl’s destination, to increase the population for the next generation. Did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p.e.n.i.s?
The spine.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Wow Avery, love the name. Makes sense since you are Avery beautiful girl.
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
I am a mean green machine.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?
In a capitalist society, man exploits man, and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
I heard milk does the body good, but man, how much have you been drinking?
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
"Joker Grandpa"
Always finds a way, to make fun of my folks,
He is hilarious, with plenty of jokes.
A true expert, on many pranks,
For making us laugh; a little thanks.
At the dinner table, he’s rarely serious,
His tricks are cool and quite mysterious.
I’m not saying that he knows magic,
Some of his stunts are lame and tragic.
Grandpa knows how to pull your strings,
A cheerful guy, that constantly sings.
Never know, what he’ll come up with next,
Our joker grandpa, fun and perplex.
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
"Some bunny loves you."
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Ohh hey… You’re Riley cute
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
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