The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
I can score from multiple positions.
I always get cuts and bruises because every single day, minute and second i keep on falling in love with you.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
Are you a fermata? Because I want to hold you.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism?
Because you're making me breathless.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kenya
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
Is that the Helix Nebula I’m currently observing? Oh sorry! That’s your eyes.
Do you know how to drive stick? Because I sure as hell do.
Of all the girls I’ve seen on here, you’re at the top of m’Alice-t
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
When I see you I get a Dirty, Dirty Feeling so Don't Be Cruel and be my Earth Angel
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
I was hoping you’d text first, but clearly Abby-t you to it
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Go to BabaMail
