What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
You are living proof that Australia was colonized by criminals, because it's 'criminal' how good you look.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
A newspaper man named Fling,
Could make "copy" from any old thing.
But the copy he wrote,
Of a five dollar note,
Was so good he is now wears so much bling.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.
Girl, you and me are like loaves and fishes. Together we might be a miracle.
Hey you long legged girl with the short dress on. I finally found you!!
Date a hockey player, we always wear protection.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
I would never precede you with "which," baby, because you are essential to this clause.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
We’re in a-green-ment.
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
Your beauty is so bright,
Your eyes shine like the twilight.
Your lips are so sweet,
To kiss them would be a treat.
I still can’t believe that you are my girl,
You are, by far, the best thing in my world.
Please know I’m not saying this because you are mad,
But if you feel like forgiving me, honey, I’d be so glad!
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
I want to know what idiot called it a last will and testament.
It should’ve been called a dead giveaway.
Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed The Needy
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
Go to BabaMail
