Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What is writing in sand called?
Sandscript.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought,
"This will come back to bite me."
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
Want to show me how to make steamy greens?
If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
My skate blade is not the only thing made of steel.
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
There was a young fellow named Weir,
Who hadn't an inch of fear.
He indulged a desire,
To touch a live wire,
And he celebrated by drinking beer.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I'm fondue you, it's true
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K?
Because you can't C in the dark.
Do you want some raisin? How about some jam to go with it.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Nathan compares to you
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
I usually prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Go to BabaMail
