Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Roses are red, my face is too, this only happens when I cycle with you.
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
If you let me, I will chase you like a cheetah.
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Hey there, don’t add honey to that chamomile. You’re already too sweet.
Are you a sorcerer? Because everyone else vanishes when I look at you.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I love your energy.
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Are you a lexicographer? Because you make my life more meaningful.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Why won't prison life be much different from playing for the Bills? OJ will still have big guys opening holes for him.
Paddy like a rockstar.
I don't bite you know - unless it's called for.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
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