Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
You know what’s on the menu? ME-N-U
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by you again?
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Are you aware we are headed to the kissing gate?
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Maybe you need a little Vitamin ME in your life.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
Hi, I hear you’re good at algebra… Will you replace my X without asking Y?
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She thought for a moment and said, "No peer pressure."
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Be a winner, date a swimmer!
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Go to BabaMail
