Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
If I kissed you on one cheek, would you turn the other?
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
"Fun"
I love to hear a lobster laugh,
Or see a turtle wiggle,
Or poke a hippopotamus
And see the monster giggle,
Or even stand around at night
And watch the mountains wriggle.
– Leroy F. Jackson
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world."
— E. B. White
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
You may not know this but
I’m falling for you.
If I had a dollar every time one of my professors complained about the collapsing American democratic society, I would have a small loan of a million dollars.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
I just got some mistletoe, how about we go back to my place and try it out?
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
You met all of my koala-fications
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Please wine me and dine me,
Please show me a good time,
After all, I’m a lady,
And I even can rhyme!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I like Ronaldo, But I'd like to get Messi.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Go to BabaMail
