The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
“Monday: One of those days when even when your coffee needs a coffee.”
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
I saw you on Spotify so thought to text you. You were in the hottest singles this week.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get out of the barking lot.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
If at first you don't succeed, try twice more so your failure is statistically significant.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
"Front Row"
My desk is in the first two rows
that’s just beneath the teacher’s nose
Her eyes are on me, just like glue.
She watches everything I do.
I raise my hand. I seldom speak.
I swear I am the perfect geek.
I wish I was row four or five,
and then I’d really come alive.
I’d throw some spitballs, pass some notes.
I’d really get the teacher’s goat.
I’d make them laugh. I’d be a ham.
I like to joke. That’s who I am.
My teacher knows — and what I fear
Is that is why she keeps me near.
– Denise Rodgers
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsel.
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
You shamrock my world.
Are you from Mars? ‘cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity?
Go to BabaMail
